i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
