Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
