ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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