How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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