Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
