omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We got so high we made milksteak
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
