My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
