I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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