i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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