I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I could make wine with my vomit
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
