does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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