phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want nice things and good sex
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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