her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
