i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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