don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
