Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
