Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize