Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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