Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
