Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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