I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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