and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
