Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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