Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
