I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
