I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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