if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
