Pappa wants mamma naked
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
