I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
as a side note pls kill me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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