Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
