yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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