I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
