Too much gin, very little bucket
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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