So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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