She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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