I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
