if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
