Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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