yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
