Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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