He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
