did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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