Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
