i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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