Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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