he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
