My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
