Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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