Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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