That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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