I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
