dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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