I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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