Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
