That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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