The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
