I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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