All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
