No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
