apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
