somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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