Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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