dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
