I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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