I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
