Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
