Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The uberlube is also flammable
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
