"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
