Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
