I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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