Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
