The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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