Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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