I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
