it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
