you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
