It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She bit a glass in half.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize