Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
