Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
