one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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